“Trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth.”
Alan Watts said that. And as I struggle with this “About” page, the phrase seemed appropriate. “Who” am I and “What” am I seem to conflict yet join the pieces.What I would prefer to be is something else altogether.
I had always wanted to be a “writer”. I put that in quotes because it’s such a broad term. I was in love with words and phrases from as far back as I can remember. I was hypnotized by both the images they could create and the rhythm they produced. But about thirty some odd years ago – “odd” being the operative – I put my pen down and my typewriter away to pursue a paycheck. I’ve been unhappy since.
What I did in those thirty years was get close to the words without creating them. I worked first as a proofreader for a law book publisher, then became fascinated with how books were produced. So I dove into the world of book production, then moved into promotional print production, and finally landed in the white collar world of healthcare advertising. I’m currently a sales VP – but really an independent salesman with pharmaceutical companies and healthcare agencies as my clients.
But I never lost my love for words.
Then cancer came.
I seem to say that lightly but I don’t mean it that way. Cancer “is”. It’s a very personal and intimate disease. And if there’s one lesson I learned from it is that you can die. And you can die without having done the one thing – or maybe several things – that you really set out to do.
This blog grew out of it. It’s not a direct result. It’s not cancer = blog. Like the disease, it didn’t happen overnight. Took years to develop. The technology just had to catch up.
When I started this, it was a catch-all of images, words, music, and a bit of politics. But over the last couple of months, it’s become more focused on what I love about words – their ability to paint images and create rhythm. Those things that intrigue me, I post here. Not only because I enjoy bringing myself to you, but it also gets my engine going, the fuel flowing, and the phrases flying.
So I’ve come full circle again. Back to the words.
Some years ago, in my college days, a professor of mine took a liking to my writing. His advice to me was “get yourself an easy job, like a cashier in a supermarket, or something like that. Save your energy to write. And if you want to write, then write.”
I understand now what he was saying. And I offer you the same.
If you want to write, then write. The words will out.
– Jeff
[You can also contact me at: lazarusdodge@yahoo.com ]
22 comments
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January 25, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Ralph
Don’t know how long you’ve had this up, Jeff, but I just read it. Thanks. You’ve said all this stuff before but it’s nice to have it in one place. And I’m sure now your teeth have toothmarks….
January 25, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Nelie
Hi Jeff, Nan, author of the Jadepage Press blog, and a good friend, sent me an email suggesting I check out your blog. I’m also a cancer survivor and blogger who recently decided if I wanted to write, beond the academic writing I do, I needed to give myself some space to do it. I’ve just started and your blog is inspiring for me. I’m attaching the address of my blog ….Nelie
January 25, 2009 at 5:45 pm
lazarusdodge
Lots of toothmarks, Ralph, lots of ’em…and I wear them proudly, I do!
– J.
January 13, 2010 at 11:13 am
Lucky J.
Jeff, I stumbled into here while searching for an image to accompany a poem on my own recently minted blog. After admiring your writing and your intriguing collection of external links, I found myself fascinated by the many similarities in many of our stories. I hope to keep up with your work here. It’s inspirational to me as both a writer and reader. Thanks.
January 14, 2010 at 1:11 pm
lazarusdodge
Hi Peter:
Thanks for your kind words and I’m glad to be of any help. I’m always poking around for images for my own posts – I’ve always believed a visual should be added to the textual…a little bit of sugar never hurt…
Keep writing and exploring your poetry. I enjoy the analysis you offer. I wish I was as courageous in my own posts…
Onward we go!
– J.
March 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm
pmdello
Yes, a love of words, phrases, and the rhythm they create. You are a poet and most life choices are prosaic. I’m glad the poet wriggled free of its bonds. And, if it took cancer to do that, then perhaps it’s a good thing.
Be well and keep writing.
http://goodbloodbadblood.wordpress.com/
March 18, 2010 at 10:20 am
lazarusdodge
I like that…life choices are prosaic…
Thanks for coming by. I think you and I share some common ground. I hope you’ll continue writing as well!
Onward!
– Jeff
March 3, 2011 at 5:31 pm
arlene
I’m sorry that was very sad – to say you have unhappy all this time it just got to me
March 5, 2011 at 9:20 am
lazarusdodge
Not really unhappy – more like distracted. They weren’t necessarily bad choices made – but had to set aside some things in order to make them.
Now at least there are other chances to be had – and an opportunity to take them…
Sometimes, you really just have to go back to the future…
– J.
August 22, 2011 at 1:53 am
Lorraine Mora
Very happy you went back to writing!
August 22, 2011 at 10:08 am
lazarusdodge
Thanks, Lorraine! I really appreciate the encouragement!
– Jeff
April 17, 2012 at 11:03 am
Editor Mindy
Enjoy reading your blog!! Feel free to blog walk my blog too. 🙂
August 5, 2012 at 8:20 am
A Simple Village Undertaker
Jeff,
I had dinner with Doug and Steve last week and your name came up more than a few times. Any friend of theirs is a friend of mine. You can read about it here: http://villageundertaker.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/officially-a-tradition/
August 5, 2012 at 8:50 am
lazarusdodge
Hiya Ray –
I saw first mention of this yesterday on Steve’s blog – it would have been wonderful if I could have broken bread with you all at your reunion. Are we now officially “friended”? Don’t we need to sign up somewhere online for that? 🙂
Looking forward to the day I can meet you all!
– J.
September 5, 2012 at 5:37 am
David Kanigan
Jeff, I’m inspired by your posts and your writing. I’ve nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award at http://davidkanigan.com/2012/09/05/530am-inspired. Whether you choose to pass it on or not is your call. No obligation. Just wanted you to know your work is admired.
September 5, 2012 at 6:10 am
lazarusdodge
Dave – I’m as inspired by your writing as well. Your energy, optimism, and thoughtfulness is something I look forward to every day. Much appreciate the connection we made!
– J.
September 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm
David Kanigan
Thank you Jeff. Me too.
January 17, 2013 at 6:55 am
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November 7, 2014 at 6:27 pm
mimar9
Bite away.
Think beyond foray.
Write multiple hours every day.
Definition will be conveyed as a result of what you manage to display.
November 8, 2014 at 8:04 am
lazarusdodge
Always writing…with whatever instrument I can find…thanks for the good words and the visit. Always appreciate good metre and rhyme… 🙂 – J.
August 26, 2016 at 12:39 am
barbara suter
Hello again. I just read your “who I am now” piece and it answered some questions. As you know, I, too, am a cancer survivor (just had an all-clear on my CT scan…so that makes 1 1/2 years since my treatment) and, like you, it clarified some things for me. Mainly, that I should pursue what brings me joy, and it brings me much joy to read your posts and enjoy your visuals. So thank you for what you do.
August 27, 2016 at 5:08 am
lazarusdodge
You’re most welcome Barbara. Wishing you the best of health! – J