“Trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth.”

Alan Watts said that. And as I struggle with this “About” page, the phrase seemed appropriate. “Who” am I and “What” am I seem to conflict yet join the pieces.What I would prefer to be is something else altogether.

I had always wanted to be a “writer”. I put that in quotes because it’s such a broad term. I was in love with words and phrases from as far back as I can remember. I was hypnotized by both the images they could create and the rhythm they produced. But about thirty some odd years ago – “odd” being the operative – I put my pen down and my typewriter away to pursue a paycheck. I’ve been unhappy since.

What I did in those thirty years was get close to the words without creating them. I worked first as a proofreader for a law book publisher, then became fascinated with how books were produced. So I dove into the world of book production, then moved into promotional print production, and finally landed in the white collar world of healthcare advertising. I’m currently a sales VP – but really an independent salesman with pharmaceutical companies and healthcare agencies as my clients.

But I never lost my love for words.

Then cancer came.

I seem to say that lightly but I don’t mean it that way. Cancer “is”. It’s a very personal and intimate disease. And if there’s one lesson I learned from it is that you can die. And you can die without having done the one thing – or maybe several things – that you really set out to do.

This blog grew out of it. It’s not a direct result. It’s not cancer = blog. Like the disease, it didn’t happen overnight. Took years to develop. The technology just had to catch up.

When I started this, it was a catch-all of images, words, music, and a bit of politics. But over the last couple of months, it’s become more focused on what I love about words – their ability to paint images and create rhythm. Those things that intrigue me, I post here. Not only because I enjoy bringing myself to you, but it also gets my engine going, the fuel flowing, and the phrases flying.

So I’ve come full circle again. Back to the words.

Some years ago, in my college days, a professor of mine took a liking to my writing. His advice to me was “get yourself an easy job, like a cashier in a supermarket, or something like that. Save your energy to write. And if you want to write, then write.”

I understand now what he was saying. And I offer you the same.

If you want to write, then write. The words will out.

– Jeff

[You can also contact me at:  lazarusdodge@yahoo.com ]

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