You can be given time.

You can take time.

You can spend time.

You can save time.

You can waste time.

Time can move achingly slow. Or fast. Minutes tick by like hours. Hours fly by like seconds.

Time changes over time.

And time can suddenly stop.

I went to call my oncologist since I wanted to find out what the scan said from last Thursday. The receptionist I knew picked up and I said hello.

“Oh, Mr. K”, she said, “I was just going to call you.”

Suddenly I had that same inside sinking feeling I had two years ago.

“They would like you to come in and have an MRI done.”

This was not what I wanted to hear, not what I expected, not what I wanted.

“What did they see?”

“They want you to come to discuss,” she said, “I don’t know if they’ll talk about it on the phone.”

“Please don’t make me wait, Linda – is the doctor there?

She paused a moment, “I don’t know if the doctor is here but I’ll see if I can get Kathy (the physician’s assistant) to give you a call. Give her some time to get back to you.”

We made a date for me to come in Thursday, in two days. Two days. Time to let my imagination weave a tale.

I left my office and went for a drive, to spend some time in the quiet of my car.

I returned about an hour later and called back.

“Were you able to pass the message on to Kathy?”

“Hold on.”

She came back a minute later and said, “call back in 5 minutes at this number.”

I did, called back, and got the doctor on the phone.

“They saw something on the scan, a hot spot, some glucose being taken up.”

“What does it mean.”

“It could just be sinus disease (which I have) or possibly some bone necrosis from the treatment. The radiologist wants to do an MRI to get a better look at the area.”

“Is it in the same area as the tumor was?

“Yes.”

“Is this a red flag?”

“Don’t think so. He didn’t see any abnormal tissue in the scan, any disease. Just an area of concern. Do you have any headaches?”

“No,” I said. I lied. And rationalized.

“Then if you’re asymptomatic, you should be fine.”

“Do you need to see me on Thursday or should we just make an appointment for the MRI now?”

“Oh, you can do that now,” he said. “But you’re always welcome to stop in to talk if you’d like.”

I thanked him and called Linda back to set an appointment for next Tuesday – the earliest time available and giving them a few days to get the OK from the insurance company.

Suddenly, I’m a patient again.

©Manish Desai

© Manish Desai